Monday, March 14, 2011

I think I had an anxiety attack.  All of a sudden I felt scared to death and I had no words to describe the feeling.  I found myself thinking, “what the hell have I done and if I had my old life back it would all be better.”

This occurred somewhere between The Castro and North Beach districts in San Francisco.  Closer to Castro I think because the 20 or so naked people bicycling by our outdoor café in North Beach lifted the heaviness in my chest a bit.  That I remember.

My self diagnosis is that I am suffering from change overload.  Control freak that I am has no routine in her new life and, seriously, one can only party like a rock star for so long.  Anxiety killed my buzz slowly through the Financial District, Eudora and then on in to Oakland.  Got it back for an hour or so at the Hangar One Vodka Tasting and then completely petered out.  It felt like I couldn’t breathe.  So, instead of joining the spray glittered BFFs to a party (complete with Hula Hoop – my idea) I potatoed it on the couch, watched The Year’s 40 Worst Break Ups and Basketball Wives while attempting  to peel back the layers and figure this funk out.

Here’s what I came up with. Since June of 2010 I have:
·         Divorced
·         Moved (within Atlanta)
·         Put my dog down
·         Severed myself from my job of 12 years
·         Gave my other dog back to her dad
·         Became officially unemployed
·         Travelled to Asheville
·         Travelled to Cabo
·         Bought a Time Share
·         Travelled to Delaware
·         Moved to Omaha
·         Moved into my parents’ basement
·         Networked like crazy
·         Met many new people
·         Revitalized previous Omaha relationships
·         Joined a gym
·         Travelled to SanFran

I have concluded that I need a good night’s sleep, to double my anti-anxiety meds and go toe-to-toe with Cruella tomorrow.  Maybe I can make her cry like I want to.  I am in overwhelm.

Oh!  And guess what the mail man delivered? 

My H parts!!! 

And guess what I discovered when I opened them? 

I now have six D parts.  

*sigh*