April 5, 2012

So……..the inevitable has arrived.  All this minor frustration and poking fun at mom and dad has paled in comparison to our current situation.  Mom, while on “vacation” in Florida, is in the process of being transferred from the hospital to a rehab facility.

Saturday a couple of weeks ago I called to see how things were going and mom tells me she just got out of the hospital.

“WHAT?!?! “ I shriek!

“I fell a couple of times so they wanted to check me for strokes,” mom casually explains.  “I’m ok, just black and blue, swollen and I hurt all over.”

Under my breath I am screaming that if one of us kids was in the hospital and we didn’t call to tell her we would have hell to pay.

“So,” mom continues, “I’m taking pain meds and hope the pain goes away soon.”  Typical mom – nothing in her vocabulary about healing…just wanting pain to go away.  We kids are amazed she gave birth to us.  Her pain threshold is measured with a minus sign. 

I told her to take good care of herself and hung up the phone to immediately call my sister and brother with the news.  It should have been a three-way call as we all said and thought out loud the same things – it would have served as a cathartic family therapy session.

A week later I get a call from Dad.  “She’s in the hospital again.”   This is where the blur begins.  Dad didn’t have answers to all my questions (or even his questions).  I called my nurse practitioner sister to step in and run interference. 

LESSON #1 – Have a trained medical professional as a family member.  While avenues of communication are still difficult, they can at least translate medical-ese, ask the right questions and basically manage the situation. (Entrepreneurs – big business idea here.)

Here is my interpretation of the blur:

Mom is in hospital with acute renal failure due to too many pain pills (Motrin) and not enough hydration. (Quite possibly meaning her self medication put her in la-la land and she didn’t think to eat or drink.)

While in hospital, a burn is discovered on her leg. WT??  Seems she fell asleep (passed out) on top of a heating pad and over time the heat was trapped and slowly cooked her leg.

LESSON #2 – heating pads are to be placed on top of, not underneath body parts – also not to be used while incoherent, drugged or tired.  Heating pad manufacturers – perhaps inserting something bumpy into the pad would create a level of discomfort to then deter an underneath placement.  Just thinking out loud here.

First we were told third degree, possible skin grafts.  Then we were told 2^nd degree, just needed to heal.  We STILL don’t know the real story.

Next we were told that her right hand and thumb were broken.  Then we were told they were not.  Mom refuses to move, bend or flex her right hand and arm.  WT??

An exam of some sort showed spots on one of mom’s kidneys.  They performed an MRI.  We never got the results.  Sister reports “Renal” signed off and no news is good news.  We’re going with that.

During all of this my sister was wondering why no one was getting mom out of bed and moving around.  She decided to call the hospital’s Social Services department and got them involved.

LESSON #3 – when feeling under informed, lost, overlooked in a hospital environment, contact Social Services and they will act as your healthcare advocate.

Now all of this happened over six days.  Mom went into the hospital on a Friday.  Evidently all hospital business operations shut down over the weekend so we had to wait until Monday to begin to learn anything.  And yes, one of us kids should have flown down there to manage all of this but we are all experiencing a divine intervention of some sort and are unable to.  Maybe this is to be an experience of a certain meaning for our dad??

On Wednesday it was determined that mom no longer needed hospitalization yet she would require rehab.  She is referred to as a two-person assist which means it takes two people to get her up out of bed.  Further she refuses to walk; her knees are wobbly and she is afraid she will fall again.  Further she refuses to use her right hand; it hurts.  Further, we are all frustrated and want to hurt her more.

This is an emotional area I really want to unpack.  Why do we believe our mother is being such a baby about this?  Why are we getting frustrated instead of enacting compassion?  Intellectually we realize how unfair we are thinking yet we cannot for longer than 30 seconds muster any kind of empathy for her.  And then we feel bad about it on top of it all.  This in turns makes us mad again.  Insight, anyone??

In a mad dash to find an Omaha rehab facility with an open room, it was recommended by the hospital Social Worker to place mom locally because it would be very difficult to move her a long distance at this time.  She needs to get stronger.  Whew.  We all agree a good idea.

LESSONS #4 – make sure your health insurance will cover you out of state/on vacation.

LESSON #5 – make sure your parents, your spouse, your kids,  complete all consent forms for other family members to intervene in their healthcare, health insurance, financial, etc. affairs.

Mom is going to have to pay $3,500 a week for rehab in Florida, her hospital stay may not be covered, her health insurance company will only speak with those at the hospital, and her personal Dr. here in Omaha won’t even take our calls for medical records. 

Dad has a bit more authority yet he is not one to take direction well. He has many questions that we cannot answer and does not quite understand that he is the one that has to ask on mom’s behalf as her husband.  He’s sort of stuck in WHY?  And then slides to forgetfulness or overwhelm, i.e. minor shut down.

I repeat LESSON #5 with emphasis on a family member far enough removed to remain coherent, lucid, actionable and able to make a decision.

This is another emotional area I really want to unpack.  Why do we believe our father is behaving ineffective in all this?  Why are we getting frustrated instead of enacting compassion?  Intellectually we realize how unfair we are thinking yet we cannot for longer than 30 seconds muster any kind of empathy for him.  And then we feel bad about it on top of it all.  This in turns makes us mad again.  Insight, anyone??