Friday, October 07, 2011

I NOW know a bit about having teenagers.  I don’t have children of my own. I had been married to a man who hadn’t grown up so that experience alone is proof to me that I got “teened” by my mom today.  She borrowed my car last night. She’s still laughing about the role reversal.  Me?  Not so much.

I was running late for a meeting this morning and jumped into my car.  It reeked of fast food grease.  I looked to my right and saw a crumpled Burger King Whopper wrapper.  I looked to the floor of the passenger side and observed a large drink cup on its side next to the large white burger king delivery package.  Which was also home to a large fries because my mom and I both prefer BK fries…I know they were in there….yet not even ONE crunchy, over-cooked, but not burnt ,wonderful nub of fry was present in my car anywhere as an offering to me. 

I start the car and the Open Hood light comes on.  My hood was open……for who knows how long of drive.  I envisioned my mom, driving home at 9PM from her PEO dessert meeting, picking at cheesecake intended for my dad out of a Tupperware container , when the hood gets air, springs open, she can’t see……I don’t want to think about…..what would have happened to my car.

I get out and shut the hood, get back in the car and look up into my rearview mirror to back out of the drive.  I see my breasts.  Lovely as they are, I was thinking I’d see through my back window.  Said hi to the girls, adjusted my rearview window and backed out of the drive.

Driving at a bit of a fast clip to make up for lost time, I see I have no gas. @#$*!!.  The Gasorama is up ahead, I look into my rearview mirror to consider changing lanes and I see the pavement. @#$*!!. I look over my shoulder for an all clear, change lanes and pull off to get gas.  I am not happy.  Not only am I going to a very important meeting smelling like a French Fry, I will also be wafting a few gasohol fumes.  Delightful. 

I want to throttle my mother for “borrowing my car.”  Which, in her defense, was parked behind hers so she drove mine instead.  Not a problem really.  Happy to help.  However:!

Gassed up, I bee-lined to my appointment. Arrived on time and had a wonderful conversation with some lovely and oh-so-smart young women. Being “teened” by my mom had no more hold on me.  And in my car, after I left the meeting, I discovered not one but TWO crunchy French fry nubs I had been sitting on.  Sa-weet!  Thanks mom! (although I’m sure there were grease stains on the back of my skirt!!)